Nessahan Alita is the pseudonym of a Brazilian author of a series of books that deal with romantic relationships from a masculine viewpoint. His real name and identity is unknown, and his works are not published by any press, but are available for free at his website by digital edition in e-book format. He has achieved a certain popularity in Brazilian blogs, forums, and social media, with his books being considered a reference even to this day in online groups that discuss about the subject of masculinity.
The author used to discuss his ideas on social media and to answer questions about his books until 2009, when he retired.
His books are free of charge. They are only a means to help other men with the modern-world difficulty in keeping long-term relationships.
See, some are good guys
They open up their hearts and suffer too much
They talk with her parents on the living room couch
Listen and agree while she talks
And talks, he falls for the siren song
She sees he's a real steady guy, like a nail into the sand
Dude, he tossed his ego into the pit
A Bon vivant never shows his weak spot
Ask Samson who Delilah was [...]
-- Racionais MC's, Dog Style
If you are a woman who identifies with the female profile described in this book, whom the author refers to as a "devious woman," you will probably hate it. You will hate the author for exposing you, hate me for translating it to a worldwide audience, and perhaps even hate yourself for being like this. The good news is: you can turn your hatred into an opportunity for engendering yourself and growing out of it through self-awareness.
Conversely, if you are a woman who doesn't identify at all with the behaviors described herein, you may find interesting to see how the other half lives. However, you may confirm within yourself some preferences that are often observed on female nature, such as desiring powerful men, and the explanations thereof, even if your behavior does not align with that of a devious woman.
Now, if you are a man who's already cold and aloof, who doesn't invest much emotionally in your interactions with people and, by extension, with women, you will probably find that this book provides complementary advice to your nature, rather than leading you into a major rewrite of it. You probably don't have to "die psychologically." Still, the book can be useful to give you reasons to develop your emotional intelligence.
Finally, if you are a man like me and many other who have deeply suffered from the male weaknesses which the author exposes, this is probably going to be a painful read. However, if you agree with the author's points and decide to transform yourself and "die psychologically," then welcome (although at first it feels more like an "unwelcome") to masculinity!
This book has helped me develop my self-respect. We are often told not to put women on a pedestal, but this is a too simple advice: while we understand it's a good advice, men like me who have grown to have rich feelings don't feel that we have strong reasons to fight our own romanticism toward "the fragile beings who only know how to give love," because our feelings don't let it and, worse yet, we think our romanticism is the right way of going about it, and as such we end up not applying the advice as much as we should. Knowing about the modus operandi of devious women, however, has put me in a selective mindset when it comes to meeting women and has made me highly aware of their behaviors. Thanks to the author, I now have a good intuitive sense of when a woman is behaving out of sentimental selfishness. I hope that men who are like I used to be can read this book and achieve the same result. A proper read of the book does not guarantee you will succeed in your romantic life, but it certainly can make you more competent in dealing with your own sentimental problems as an individual.
This book is one of a series of other books by the same author. I have no intention, for the time being, to translate the other ones due to the amount of energy that this would require. However, I feel the need to mention something that the author says in The Profane Feminine, the second volume of this series:
The messages that I have received show that many readers have not understood the need to balance out opposite attitudes in appropriate doses and according to the circumstances. By being informed that they need to return strength, security, and firmness, they have made the mistake of becoming polarized exclusively in distancing and indifference, which gave them a disastrous effect.
The most sensitive men, who had bitter experiences, concluded that they should simply become the opposite of what they had been, and later complained about lack of results, but they have not taken the responsibility for themselves as they should.
It turns out that dealing with women is not as easy as unaware men assume. It is not enough to take the stance of an one-sided tough guy and that is it. Much more is necessary: to know how to reward her good behaviors, to reciprocate her sincerity, to have firm, protective attitudes, to have malleability, to alternate your behavior, to be able to accept, to be adaptable, etc.
A point that caused misunderstanding was the one about rejection. We must not reject a woman when she comes to us and offer herself sincerely, but rather to enjoy the opportunity and reciprocate it. We must only reject her when we notice indicators of a trap, shrewdness, or emotional deceit, such as, for instance, when she offers herself to attract us in order to then despise us or replace us. While we are not seeing such indicators, we must accept her approaches and enjoy it. However, when we notice that a devious woman is trying to pull a chased one on us, we need to be faster and reject her, or to "scold" her first, thus stealing the feeling of triumph from her and "shocking her."
As the author clearly says, one must not become polarized in coldness. I think it's important to make a distinction between becoming colder and becoming cold, if you are a man like me whose feelings have made your romantic life a disaster and you have decided to cool yourself down a little. I don't think anyone wants to reach the state of absolule-zero coldness which psychopaths, sociopaths, and schizoids typically live in. Sure, living as such has its advantages, but life becomes dull. An example of this difference is how Thomas Shelby from Peaky Blinders has feelings for his family, whereas Ted Bundy had feelings for no one. Both are visibly cold men, but Thomas is simply colder than an affectionate man, not absolute-zero cold.
Of course, any person who believes becoming colder is bad will invariably find this book negative. Such a belief is based on the notion that emotions and feelings must be set free and run wild. However, it has been clear the effect that doing this has had on the life of men with respect to romantic relationships. The fact that nowadays there exists such a thing as "simping men" but it's not heard of "simping women" is to me a very meaningful proof of that. In that sense, I find this book to be quite similar to stoicism. You can think of it as a way to stoic up your romantic life.
Moreover, some people build their lifes upon others' disgrace. A drug dealer will probably be bothered if drug addicts begin to go to therapy and to heal themselves en masse. Likewise, a teomaniac (refer to Cláudia Pacheco) devious woman who's nourished by a man's disgrace will not like at all the idea of men becoming colder and stopping masturbating her ego. So, I'm quite suspicious of the argument that coldness equates negativity.
Thanks to Gustavo, Paige, and Laurence, specially Laurence, who helped me with translation problems and without whose help this translation wouldn't sound as much native as I hope it does.
Other books I have found useful that may interest you, although not restricted to the topic of romantic relationships, are:
- The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson
- Healing Through Consciousness by Cláudia Bernhardt Pacheco
- The Manipulated Man by Esther Vilar
If you speak or understand Portuguese, I recommend you also watch the live with Cláudia Pacheco, who's mentioned by Nessahan in his books. She is an example of what a self-aware woman who has transcended herself looks like.
All rights belong to the author. I don't know him nor have I ever spoken to him. I'm just a translator who made his ideas available in a language other than Portuguese.